we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
