Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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