so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she peed on how many people?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
