Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
