so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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