The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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