Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
