I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
