after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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