I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
