is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just high enough for therapy.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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