what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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