It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
