I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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