finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So squirting runs in the family.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
