We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Even my vagina gasped.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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