A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
