Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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