it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
