He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
