So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
