i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
