So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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