hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
