last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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