Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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