Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
