okay pat passed out under dana's car
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
