I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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