I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
