so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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