Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
