I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
