Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
