oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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