i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
