I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
