When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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