I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
