I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
