very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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