Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
