that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
