i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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