It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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