Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
