WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
