so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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