I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
