i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
