These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
