I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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