I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
