im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
