sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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