my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
