I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
