Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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