Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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