According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I will pee on everything he values.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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