I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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