You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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