The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
