I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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