if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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