Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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