my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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