Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
