I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
