she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
