Having a random hookup so left but love u
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
